Under Pressure

This week has been challenging week shall I say.  Yeah - that's a good way to put it.  That puts a little more positive spin on things - since I am a glass half full kinda girl.  As a stay at home mama of two vibrant, spirited and beautiful boys, I feel like I'm going seven hundred directions at one time.  Especially during the summer.  My goal this summer was to be more intentional with my boys - spending more quality time with them rather than just filling the schedule with things to go and do.  While I feel like the summer has started off nicely, this week was a true test.  I just felt the weight on my shoulders of the intense pressure I feel at trying to be the best I can be at everything - mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, Christ follower and leader.  It's a daily struggle to fit it all in ... 

Make sure I'm teaching the Gospel to my children
Read with Ethan so he's extra prepared for kindergarden
Talk with Ethan about preparing for kindergarden
Be a disciple maker and good small group leader in the off-season
Mail that friend a birthday card
Pray
Check in with my prayer partner
Pray for her too
Clean the house (that usually falls dead last)
Call that friend who's having a rough week
Text that friend who I just miss
Pay the bills
Make a grocery list ... with coupons
Take a shower
Have time with my husband at the end of the day when I'm utterly exhausted... 

Wednesday was my breaking point.   When at the pool with some friends and their kids, Ethan was disrespectful and giving me a hard time.  No matter how I tried to calmly correct him, it didn't work.  I was embarrassed and frustrated with myself that I obviously wasn't doing a good enough job being an example in trying to show him to obey your parents.  A friend was there and we had some honest conversation about how hard it is being a mom, woman and follower of Jesus. I left the pool feeling defeated.  I thought to myself, "There is no stinkin way I am going to make it though this crazy thing called parenthood without help and certainly without Jesus."  I prayed while leaving the pool asking God to show me how to lean on him through all of this. To find the joy in this.  I kept thinking back to a devotional I read on Monday from about how we as moms are not alone.  There are other moms out there who feel the EXACT same way - but may be too afraid to admit it.  It said:

I am not alone.

God's grace is sufficient.

Do the next thing.

Then I immediately thought of a verse that has been my saving grace, no pun intended, this entire week.

'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' - 2 Corinthians 12:9

 



Wow.  I just put that on repeat and marinated on that the entire way home from the pool that day.  Strangely enough it became pretty quiet in the car.  I am weak human being but God in His awesome glory can give little ol' ME the power - even if it's just to get through this crummy day.

I went to dinner that night with some girlfriends and they could tell I was not myself.  On the way to the parking lot, a friend asked what's going on.  I just let it all out ... ugly cry and all.  She just simply listened and offered words of encouragement. Something that meant more to me than words can possibly say.

On the way home, while crying, go figure, God spoke to me and told me to have patience.  HA!  Patience!  That has been my resounding theme of my entire life!  I swear God gave me children, more specifically Ethan, to teach me patience.  When things don't go my way.  When my children aren't listening and I have to ask them a million times to do one simple task.  When Ethan isn't interested in listening to me when I try to teach him about Jesus and how we should live according to His will.  God tells me to be patient - all my hard work and teachings will pay off.  To trust Him that our children will grow up just fine and will come to know Christ in due time .. but on His time.  Not mine.  Not my will - His will.

Thursday and Friday I received such an outpouring of love and support from friends and family without them even knowing how much I felt such defeat.  God in His wonderful loving ways was letting me know just how loved I really am. He loves me so much - and He was showing me that love through my friends.  He was showing me love in ways I couldn't fathom ... and my friends didn't even realize it.  A phone call from a friend I was missing and just hearing her voice.  My friends honest and transparent talk at the pool.  My friends concern and encouraging words.  My husband who listened to me while I ranted and cried.  My friend who dropped what she was doing no questions asked to take Ethan for a while so I could just breathe.  My friend who out of the blue texted me and simply told me thank you.  My sister for whom we were able to just sit and talk about the joy we do find in our lives.  My mother in law who emailed me to let me know just how thankful she is that I am the mother to her grandchildren and I AM doing a good job.  I am thanking my Jesus for these people he so graciously placed in my life this week - at just the right moment when I needed them. His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me. 

The devotional says it perfectly in words i cannot ...

"Through their kind words, my friends did the best thing possible: they lifted my focus from myself and put it on Jesus. I learned not to depend on my own abilities, but to depend on Him.

I realized I am absolutely inadequate. I am sincerely overwhelmed. But my friends reminded me that I'm not alone and my situation isn't unique to me.

 In the quiet of my head and heart, sometimes the voice of fear and condemnation drowns out God's truth. With a resounding chorus, these girlfriends shouted truth so loudly it couldn't be ignored. It was just what I needed."

What started off as not such a great week for me turned out to actually be a quite beautiful week.  A beautiful week indeed.

Summer, Summer, Summertime!

As I sit here writing this blog I cannot believe it's already the beginning of August!  The summer has certainly flown by and I was so worried about keeping the boys busy so they wouldn't be bored.  They certainly have not been!  I feel like we've done so much - vacation bible school, summer camp, beach vacation, water park, library trips, playdates, park trips, YMCA, swimming lessons, playing outside, trips to the creek, Children's museum, and the list goes on and on.  Whew - I'm tired just thinking about it.  I'm not sure if we're even at home except just to sleep!  That's probably why Ethan and I have crawled into bed, snuggled up, and taken naps about every other day the past few weeks.  Oh I am loving that.  We put Eli down for a nap, get in mama and dada's bed, read a few books and saw some logs.  I know I'll look back on this and have fond memories and hopefully he will as well.  Here are some summertime pictures we've taken the past few weeks.

FUN WITH THE WATER & SAND TABLE

FUN AT THE Y WATERPARK

FUN AT BARNETT PARK

Look Who's Talking

Palmer and Aunt Liv came to visit for a night yesterday and we had such a good time.  Palmer is now crawling and starting to talk alot more so he was so much fun.  I recorded a video on my phone of Eli and Palmer "talking".  Eli likes to bend down and get in your face to get your attention, which you'll see.  It's so cute! PS - you'll hear Ethan screaming Mommy in the background.  He's ok - just needed a good ol' butt wipin.  LOL

Ohh Peanuts!

I got a shipment in the mail today and once I opened it there were a ton of packing peanuts inside the box.  In a moment of insanity light-heartedness, I just dumped the peanuts, box in the floor and called the boys in and said "Dive in!"  Ohhh they were so excited!  They had a blast for at least thirty minutes or more.  Of course they loved getting in the box the most.  Even Palmer, who was visiting for the day, got in on the fun!