Under Pressure

This week has been challenging week shall I say.  Yeah - that's a good way to put it.  That puts a little more positive spin on things - since I am a glass half full kinda girl.  As a stay at home mama of two vibrant, spirited and beautiful boys, I feel like I'm going seven hundred directions at one time.  Especially during the summer.  My goal this summer was to be more intentional with my boys - spending more quality time with them rather than just filling the schedule with things to go and do.  While I feel like the summer has started off nicely, this week was a true test.  I just felt the weight on my shoulders of the intense pressure I feel at trying to be the best I can be at everything - mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, Christ follower and leader.  It's a daily struggle to fit it all in ... 

Make sure I'm teaching the Gospel to my children
Read with Ethan so he's extra prepared for kindergarden
Talk with Ethan about preparing for kindergarden
Be a disciple maker and good small group leader in the off-season
Mail that friend a birthday card
Pray
Check in with my prayer partner
Pray for her too
Clean the house (that usually falls dead last)
Call that friend who's having a rough week
Text that friend who I just miss
Pay the bills
Make a grocery list ... with coupons
Take a shower
Have time with my husband at the end of the day when I'm utterly exhausted... 

Wednesday was my breaking point.   When at the pool with some friends and their kids, Ethan was disrespectful and giving me a hard time.  No matter how I tried to calmly correct him, it didn't work.  I was embarrassed and frustrated with myself that I obviously wasn't doing a good enough job being an example in trying to show him to obey your parents.  A friend was there and we had some honest conversation about how hard it is being a mom, woman and follower of Jesus. I left the pool feeling defeated.  I thought to myself, "There is no stinkin way I am going to make it though this crazy thing called parenthood without help and certainly without Jesus."  I prayed while leaving the pool asking God to show me how to lean on him through all of this. To find the joy in this.  I kept thinking back to a devotional I read on Monday from about how we as moms are not alone.  There are other moms out there who feel the EXACT same way - but may be too afraid to admit it.  It said:

I am not alone.

God's grace is sufficient.

Do the next thing.

Then I immediately thought of a verse that has been my saving grace, no pun intended, this entire week.

'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' - 2 Corinthians 12:9

 



Wow.  I just put that on repeat and marinated on that the entire way home from the pool that day.  Strangely enough it became pretty quiet in the car.  I am weak human being but God in His awesome glory can give little ol' ME the power - even if it's just to get through this crummy day.

I went to dinner that night with some girlfriends and they could tell I was not myself.  On the way to the parking lot, a friend asked what's going on.  I just let it all out ... ugly cry and all.  She just simply listened and offered words of encouragement. Something that meant more to me than words can possibly say.

On the way home, while crying, go figure, God spoke to me and told me to have patience.  HA!  Patience!  That has been my resounding theme of my entire life!  I swear God gave me children, more specifically Ethan, to teach me patience.  When things don't go my way.  When my children aren't listening and I have to ask them a million times to do one simple task.  When Ethan isn't interested in listening to me when I try to teach him about Jesus and how we should live according to His will.  God tells me to be patient - all my hard work and teachings will pay off.  To trust Him that our children will grow up just fine and will come to know Christ in due time .. but on His time.  Not mine.  Not my will - His will.

Thursday and Friday I received such an outpouring of love and support from friends and family without them even knowing how much I felt such defeat.  God in His wonderful loving ways was letting me know just how loved I really am. He loves me so much - and He was showing me that love through my friends.  He was showing me love in ways I couldn't fathom ... and my friends didn't even realize it.  A phone call from a friend I was missing and just hearing her voice.  My friends honest and transparent talk at the pool.  My friends concern and encouraging words.  My husband who listened to me while I ranted and cried.  My friend who dropped what she was doing no questions asked to take Ethan for a while so I could just breathe.  My friend who out of the blue texted me and simply told me thank you.  My sister for whom we were able to just sit and talk about the joy we do find in our lives.  My mother in law who emailed me to let me know just how thankful she is that I am the mother to her grandchildren and I AM doing a good job.  I am thanking my Jesus for these people he so graciously placed in my life this week - at just the right moment when I needed them. His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me. 

The devotional says it perfectly in words i cannot ...

"Through their kind words, my friends did the best thing possible: they lifted my focus from myself and put it on Jesus. I learned not to depend on my own abilities, but to depend on Him.

I realized I am absolutely inadequate. I am sincerely overwhelmed. But my friends reminded me that I'm not alone and my situation isn't unique to me.

 In the quiet of my head and heart, sometimes the voice of fear and condemnation drowns out God's truth. With a resounding chorus, these girlfriends shouted truth so loudly it couldn't be ignored. It was just what I needed."

What started off as not such a great week for me turned out to actually be a quite beautiful week.  A beautiful week indeed.

10 Things I Learned This Week

1. I've given up on the reality that I will never be tan.ever.again.
2. Watching a loggerhead turtle crawl from the ocean to lay her eggs in person is the most amazing thing I've.
3. My soul needs a trip to the mountains is in order!  I miss that clean mountain air and incredible views. 
4. Sweet little boy hugs and kisses is something a mama needs every single day.
5. Watching my baby boy learn new words every day is incredible. 
6. Ethan is very close to being able to swim on his own.  He gets really excited to be in the pool!
7. I love long naps on vacation, and now I'm back to reality and miss them.
8. There is ALWAYS a project to work on, especially when you have a new home.  Lots of new opportunities.  Next is finishing the guest room, getting Ethan's room painted, and painting a tree (yikes!) in Eli's room.
9. No hair dryer and minimal make up on vacation is the best!
10. Unpacking from vacation sucks.

Back From The Dead

It's been so long since I've blogged that the website has changed so much that it's taken me FOR.EV.ER to figure it out!  Needless to say, I'M BACK IN THE BLOGGING WORLD ... I hope.  You would think being a stay at home mom I would have more time to blog but SO NOT true!  I'm so busy with the boys all day long and by the time they're in bed, I'm just beat.  It goes to prove that I did most of my blogging in my down time at work, which shows how slow things were before I made the switcheroo to staying home with my babies. 

As a quick update - life is great staying home with my boys!  Of course, we have our good days and really crappy days but all in all I'm so glad I made this decision to not work and stay home with them.  We are busy all day every day with all sorts of activities.  Since preschool is out until September (oh my ... another month and half to come up with things to do!) we have been doing summer activities from going to the Y water park to playing outside in sandbox and neighborhood creek and trips to the library to playdates.  Ethan has been to two mini day camps at the children's museum, two vacation bible schools, a trip to Spartanburg and we just got back from our annual beach trip.  Sweet little Eli just goes along for the ride and just adapts!  He just wants to be where we are and where he has a full view of watching what Ethan is doing.  For the rest of the summer we don't really have much to do which is both scary and nice at the same time.  Ethan has a summer camp next week then starts swimming lessons after that. 

Ethan is doing really well and is such a gentleman these days.  He's doing so well with his manners and says Yes Sir and Yes mam to just about everything and everyone.  Everyone has told me that when four year old hits, it's like they are a totally different kid.  That is so true!  I didn't think he would ever get out of the terrible 3's and all that came with it - tanturms, not listening, you name it.  He is so friendly and wants to talk to our new neighbors just about every time we are outside.  He has such a big heart and I just love that little booger.  The last VBS he attended really has settled into  his heart and he has been singing praise songs and talking about God a lot.  It just warms my heart and brings a tear to my eye.  I'm so glad he's heading on the right path at such a early age and we pray that he continues.

Eli is my sweet little 15 month old boy ... and developing into a holy terror of a toddler! There is humor in that statement but he is so different that Ethan was at that age.  He is always screaming, running, and into EVERYTHING, even the toilet.  We never had that issue with E and it's quite different to keep up with him.  The good thing is that he follows E around like a lost puppy and wants to do everything E is doing.  He's playing with big boy toys like E's superheros, trains and cars in which E never played with at that age.  He's growing up so much quicker than E did and that makes me sad.  He's starting to speak a lot of words like Ethan, Abbey, dog, bird, more, mama and dada.  Everyday seems to bring more adventures and things to learn.

I'm hoping to keep up with blogging on all the little things we do on a daily basis and our adventures.  Wish me the best!  10 Things I Learned this week is coming up!  Man - it's been a while since I've done that! :)

Meet Elijah Taylor Cassidy

Almost three weeks later ... here is our introduction to Elijah Taylor Cassidy. If you have children, especially two, you know exactly why I have not been able to post this. I am spending every moment I can napping or with Ethan if I'm not nursing or changing diapers. Here's how the story went down because everyone loves a birth story:

Monday, April 4th:
Chris and I had breakfast at Cracker Barrel (that seemed to bring on labor for Ethan so we thought we'd give it a shot once again). I started having contractions in the morning that were inconsistent but definitely hurt. They came and went for about two hours then just disappeared. We still went grocery shopping, went for a walk in the Greenway, and called Nana and Pa to come stay for a few days just in case. The day ended with a bust - no contractions = no baby today.

Tuesday, April 5th - DUE DATE:
Again, the day started with me having contractions again that were inconsistent and lasted for two hours then disappeared. We had a 40 week check up with Dr. Garcia. He checked me and I was 3 cms and went ahead and sent us to the hospital since we were having contractions. We were so excited and texted everyone to say we were having this baby today! We went home, packed, ate lunch and kept tabs on the contractions which were still coming 5 minutes apart and getting stronger. We were getting so excited! We got to the hospital at 1 and got hooked up to a machine to check my contractions. An hour later a midwife came in to check me and I was still only 3 cms dialated. So she sent me to walk the halls for one hour. One hour later my contractions had come to a complete stop so we were sent home ... disappointed once again.


Wednesday, April 6th - ONE DAY PAST DUE DATE:
This day was a complete disappointed because I didn't have one contraction. I spent the day bummed out but Nana, Pa and Chris tried to cheer me up by going to Chester to eat lunch with Frankie and Ashley. Then Nana and Pa went on home while my mom and dad were planning on coming in later that afternoon. To cheer myself up, I went ahead and made an appointment for a pedicure. I told the massause to rub my cavles down really good!

Thursday, April 7th - TWO DAYS PAST DUE DATE:
Again, the day started off with contractions for two hours that were closer together, five minutes, then they stopped. At this point I was an emotional mess. I was crying every day thinking this baby was never going to get here. I didn't have this mess with Ethan and I didn't understand what was going on. I thought once contractions started they would keep going. Boy was I so wrong. God was certainly teaching me a BIG OL' lesson in patience which He continues to do every single day! Mom and I went for a walk in Manchester Park and that did get contractions started back a little. The rest of the evening they came and went but were getting stronger. Mom grilled a nice steak dinner topped off with a FABULOUS chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting. TO DIE FOR! Again, the contractions stopped so Chris and I went for a walk around the neighborhood while Mom and Dad watched Ethan for us. I went to bed frustrated but accepting the fact that this baby was going to come when he was good and ready.

Friday, April 8th - THREE DAYS PAST DUE DATE:
Contractions woke me up at 2:30 AM and kept going strong for two hours. Finally at 4:30 AM I decided to take a bath to see if they went away. They didn't - which I was thrilled. That meant they were more than likely here to stay. By 5 AM, they were coming 3 minutes apart and were KILLING me! I woke Chris up because he was sleeping with Ethan who woke up with a bad dream ... probably that this new baby was about to rock his world! LOL We woke my mom up to let her know we were heading to the hospital. We left at 5:45 AM and Chris drove 80 with the hazard lights on the entire way. We got to the hospital by 6 AM, I was checked in triage by a nurse, I was at 6 CMs, put into a room, got epidural by 7:30 AM, was checked by the midwife at 8, took a nap very comfortably until 10, midwife came back in to check me again at 10:30 and I was fully dialated. Ready to push! I pushed for 30 minutes and Elijah Taylor came out crying his head off at 11:08 AM! Let me say - having a midwife was a HUGE difference to having a doctor. It was such an enjoyable experience because she was so calm and really encouraged me to take my time and showed me different ways to push. She even encouraged Chris to "catch the baby", which really mean helping to pull Eli out and place him on my belly once the shoulders were out.

Since we had him so early in the day, we really had the opportunity to spend time and bond with Eli before all the visitors piled in. CMC has a policy of quiet time from 2 to 4 so that helped a lot too. They also have a new "policy" to have skin on skin time as soon as the baby is born. Studies have shown that it helps the baby bond naturally to the mother as well as recover from the stress of birth. They laid his nakee body on mine and it was just marvelous. Literally within 20 minutes that he just made his way up to me to feed. I didn't see that with Ethan and it was so cool that they just know what to do. He latched on perfectly from the get to and has been great at nursing ever since!

Four o'clock rolled around and we were so anxious to see Ethan and for him to meet his long awaited baby brother. He was the first to come in and we wanted that quality time as a family before everyone else came in. The look on his face was priceless and he was so warm and sweet with Eli. Soon after, my family as well as Chris' came in and all got the chance to hold the little man. He is very well loved already.

Enjoy the pictures!

Do What?!?

Last week sometime, Chris, Ethan and I were driving down the road listening to Christmas music and making conversation. I turned around and reminded Ethan that he shared a birthday with Jesus and we talked about that for a bit. Then Chris gently reminded me that Jesus wasn't actually born on Christmas Day and that no one really was sure when he was actually born. DO WHAT?!? How have I lived 30 years and not have known this or been taught this?!? I felt like my world was crashing down around me and that I was scammed! I actually felt dumb and uneducated for not knowing this fact. I got to work and Wikipediaed it and sure enough there was a lot of research done stating this fact. I just feel dumbfounded...now you're gonna tell me that Santa or the Easter bunny are not real. Please say it ain't so! ;) Just thought I'd share this latest revelation with you guys. Happy laughing!

A Lot To Be Thankful For

Every year when Thanksgiving comes around, I get a little nostalgic because I know how incredibly blessed we are for the many wonderful things God has given us. I am most thankful for my relationship with God that is growing more and more every day. I am so thankful for my wonderful, beautiful family. Without them, life certainly would not be worth living and certainly would not be interesting. I thank God for my best friend and husband, Chris and for the children we have. I feel so very blessed to be a mother and then to become a mother of two very soon! I am thankful for all my wonderful and faithful friends. There are so many material things I am thankful for but all of that pales in comparison to all the things above. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Little Tid Bit for the Day

Thanks to a good friend of mine, Carolyn, I get these wonderful inspirational tid bits every morning from a website called The Vine. It helps me to get my day started and I'm so thankful for them. I thought I'd share with you all what I got yesterday!

No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.
Psalm 84:11 NKJV

Often the toughest times in life are those moments when all we know about God doesn't seem to help or get us the results we want. That's when we learn about His silence. Whenever God doesn't say a word, He's teaching, even in stillness. He's allowing us to grow by forcing us to think, study and arrive at conclusions while He stands by like the loving parent He is. Faith comes by hearing, but patience comes by silence. Patience is what God gives you when bad things remain unchanged. It's His sedative for the troubled heart. It's the balm He rubs into your aching muscles when it feels like you're being stretched to breaking point. These are the times when the pain lasts so long that only God can release the patience required - the sheer grace to get you through it.

There are great benefits to waiting. For example, if you learn to wait and observe, you'll make better choices. The thing you think you can't live without today, you may be glad to live without tomorrow. '… No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly' (Psalm 84:11 NKJV). So when God says, 'Wait,' trust Him. Either it's not what you need at this time, or He has something better in mind for you. You say, 'But what am I going to do in the meantime?' The Bible says, 'Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart… ' (Psalm 27:14 NKJV). Stop fussing, stop pushing, allow God to work and you'll come out of this stronger and with a better result.

AMEN Sista!

You Don't Know My Story

Last Sunday was the 5th week of the Love, Sex, God study and it was great! We get e-news in our email every week to summarize what happened the previous Sunday, as well as other news going on in the churhc. Here's a summary:

Could my story make me an exception to God’s expectations? A deeper reality occurred to me last Sunday. I squirmed uncomfortably through parts of Pastor Chris’s Song of Solomon message. All of my life decisions have not been good. His words reminded me of that. Yet I had perfectly good reasons to act the way I acted at the time. Because of that I want to say my story is different and makes me an exception. I had good intentions. I meant no harm. Surely God’s absolutes make exceptions for me, right?

The truth is that everybody’s journey is unique. Everybody has reasons for the choices they made. None of us set out to ruin our lives, but we have all made decisions with nasty consequences. And even if some of the nastiness in my past is not completely my fault, I do hold some responsibility. And God is calling me to take responsibility for what is mine.
Taking responsibility means trusting God and making changes. God knows my story better than I do. He knows the thoughts and intents of my heart. He knows why I did what I did. But he also knows that he made me for something better…something more. He has taught me through Song of Solomon that regardless of my past, I can make some better choices:

Invest time and energy in my marriage.

Teach my children the value of sexual purity.

Protect my children and myself with internet porn filters like Safe Eyes, Net Nanny, or Hedgebuilders

Agree with another couple to become prayer and accountability partners.

Do marriage and all relationships God’s way, trusting Him for the results.

God would only make me uncomfortable about my past in order to call me to a different place in the future. So, which of the “better choices” is urgent for me? Which is urgent for you now? What is your next step?

Ours is attending Marriage Enrichment tonight. Can't wait!

Love Sex God

Did I get your attention? Most of us conservative Southern Baptists are probably writhing in our seats right now, and believe me I was one of them. Last week our church started a new series in honor of the month of February. It's on love, sex and God and the book Song of Solomon. It was certainly interesting and an awesome sermon that everyone can relate to whether you're single, dating, or married. This past Sunday's sermon was on Courtship. When you break it down verse by verse Song of Solomon is poetic, like Shakespeare! This section talks about the love that two people have for each other, but by waiting for marriage before "consomating your love" (eek can you tell I'm turning red just talking about it), and letting love run it's proper pace, it falls in to God's plan.

Song of Solomon 2 (Contemporary English Version)

Love Makes Everything Beautiful

1I am merely a rose [a] from the land of Sharon, a lily from the valley.
2My darling, when compared with other young women, you are a lily among thorns.
3And you, my love, are an apple tree among trees of the forest.
Your shade brought me pleasure; your fruit was sweet.
4You led me to your banquet room and showered me with love.
5Refresh and strengthen me with raisins and apples. I am hungry for love!
6Put your left hand under my head and embrace me with your right arm.
7Young women of Jerusalem, promise me by the power
of deer and gazelles [b] never to awaken love before it is ready.
8I hear the voice of the one I love, as he comes leaping over mountains and hills
9like a deer or a gazelle. Now he stands outside our wall, looking through the window
10and speaking to me. My darling, I love you! Let's go away together.
11Winter is past, the rain has stopped;
12flowers cover the earth, it's time to sing. [c] The cooing of doves is heard in our land.
13Fig trees are bearing fruit, while blossoms on grapevines fill the air with perfume.
My darling, I love you! Let's go away together.
14You are my dove hiding among the rocks on the side of a cliff.
Let me see how lovely you are! Let me hear the sound of your melodious voice.
15Our vineyards are in blossom; we must catch the little foxes that destroy the vineyards. [d]
16My darling, I am yours, and you are mine, as you feed your sheep among the lilies.
17Pretend to be a young deer dancing on mountain slopes [e] until daylight comes
and shadows fade away.

* Love has a proper pace *

Another good point - fathers, date your daughters. So simple and yet it makes perfect sense. When a girl is growing up she looks to how her father treats his wife and his daughters respectively. That sets the example of what they want in a mate. It is so true. My father is a perfect example of this. He is so humble and sweet (although he has his stubborn moments), and has always been so strong in his faith. He showers my mother with love, affection and attention and for that I am thankful.

The band played a version of "To Make You Feel My Love" and it was just beautiful. I've never listened to it and applied it to the love that God has for us. Looking at it from that perspective is life changing.